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…kości moje mchem porosną I użyźnią ziemi szmat.
W pole wyjdź pewnego ranka, na snop żyta ręce złóż
i ucałuj jak kochanka, ja żyć będę w kłosach zbóż."

"... my bones shall grow over with moss and fertilize the earth.
Go out of some morning in field, take the sheaf of rye in arms
and kiss like your lover, I shall live in the ears of the cereals."

Chapter 13. Overkill.

End of an epic, demobilization—the last battle of the demobbed civilians—in a desperate position, the unexpected may still turn for better, but not much worse—the third close encounter with death.

Probably 11th or 12th October 1944.

In a forest glade the soldiers were listening to the commandant, arranged in a double row at three sides of a rectangle. On the whole, the battalion shrank to about 300 people and from this some 250 around in the rows. Several accompanied the commandant, two faces unknown. Angus had heard a rumor that the officers came from the District. The rest went away patrolling or doing sentry duty, but in Angus’ opinion, they missed not much. He for the first time took part in the full spectacle of an appeal - a rare happening in guerrilla. Angus heard that in some troops the appeals took place after the beginning of the second concentration or before the march to help Warsaw, but thank God, he never yet saw the circus in a full gala. However, this time he accepted the reasons; a tragedy started and it was necessary somehow to persuade the men against despair to raise or only save the spirit, to make easier their endurance and survival. The last duty of a commandant, who has to leave his soldiers.

Before they arrived at the Iłża forest, they heard news about dissolving Home Army. Nobody believed it. nobody took this seriously - it was such foolish gossip. It had about as much a chance, as somebody said, that tomorrow the sun never comes up.

Now, he stopped to think, to feel, to react, but just remained immovable with a blank mind and a hollow head.

Why exactly here, in the Iłża forest? Some importunate words turned to reminiscence:

Where did this come from? He never before was in the Iłża forest and could not become wounded there! But already came the next verse:

Already he caught up, and the memory returned. This mental importunity was a remembrance from December 1939—the two weeks that he spent among wounded soldiers in the Ostrowiec field hospital. Mother, with a head contusion, got during prisoners transport, lay on the ground floor, but quickly returned to health and in fact she tried to cover this, because she preferred to spend a few days more encompassed with protection.

"Doctor, I fly down," she may suggest to the doctor, but couldn't hide before the x-ray eyesight of her own son. Yes, mother already got better, and he disappeared to the higher floors where the heroes lay; those who approached of the highest honor of pouring their blood and protecting with their chest the Homeland. He was jealous of this and wanted to offer even if only smallest relief. A few from them did to him this honor and played with him in chess (though he played bad, but they were lucky with this), and he "pulled" from them narrations.

He heard a multitude of these narrations, but there was not among them, why he searched, brightness, the distant sound of praise. Well, these were mainly soldiers of reserve regiments, mobilized of second step already in the war time, the reserve Army "Prusy." Surprised in the time of organizing by the speedy motorized columns, newly mobilized, inexperienced, wounded in first battle, they never had a fair chance. But he did not feel disappointment; he believed that behind their brief, simple words there is more.

Dear Goddess, how clear and understandable appeared then the world, naive and uncomplicated! They did not speak much, but anyway he guessed all the rest. He remembered clearly that they repeated one name: colonel Muzyka, pronounced Muzyka-a, like of Homer's Nauzyka-a. No matter if he was a good Commander, but he went on the front between his soldiers and so perished there. This was enough; they never forgot him, poor souls, on which the world collapsed.

The small, but modern hospital of Social Insurance in Ostrowiec regular contained 80, next around 100 beds. In the wartime it developed into a Field Hospital and had to accept to 600, at the peak about 800 wounded, most heavily, nobody could accept the only slightly wounded. After days, they managed to unload a bit, there remained only about 600 of worst cases and then the number gradually fell: some died and some lucky ones left.

In December, when Angus managed to transport his unconscious mother in, there remained between 200 and 300 wounded, the light and the heavy walked, or were driven away. There remained bad cases, but already a few died and most remained permanently invalided with no chance to recover their health. The hospital became even more efficient and from the bloody hell transformed in a smooth-acting machinery. The personnel won top qualifications, beginning from the doctors, who astoundingly raised their skill and from there some went on to become distinguished surgeons, after years celebrities. Even more so the public support increased and society spontaneously assured all that was necessary, from the elementary, but had enough resources of keeping to the more sophisticated subsidiary. It was a full solidarity and universal generosity of people.

One of the volunteers, a so-called sister-nurse with full sacrifice applied her own treatment, outstripping the times, accepted society superstitions and herself. The rumors tell that she restored the wounded to the wish for life, effected improvement in the worst case - all from charity; she left nobody unattended. However, in case of sister-nurse they considered it a mass incest. Thrown out from the hospital with a loud bang, nevertheless she was memorized in a song.

In this hospital, in remembrances of the wounded soldiers, he heard almost the same words their commanders spoke to them at the end, before scattering of the beaten troops. From there he got the impression of taking part in something for the second time, what already he once saw and heard.

"Soldiers, thank you for the common fight. You filled well your duty. Temporary, further war becomes impossible; it lost sense and could only lead to the death of all…but will continue again the fight in the right moment. Still Poland did not perish. Take care, because she survives in you."

The Commandant read the last order of the Commander in Chief of the Home Army. The words not identical, but alike in substance.

Yes, all the impossible gossip he’d heard proved to be the truth. This was a funeral, the solemn burial of the Home Army, of their squad, of their ideas, beliefs—and possibly themselves too, because they were now past the point of no return; the funeral may await them all.

However, in difference from Autumn 1939, they were never beaten. On the contrary, now precisely they became most experienced, proficient and attuned. They could fight as before and better than before, with astonishing results. (Anyway, some squads could not dissolve because people had nowhere to go and fighting awaited for the conversion of front, but already not under the name of AK). It was not true, that in frontline conditions, on ground filled by groups of armies and at the moving front, the guerrilla squads cannot act and survive. This was only the official version, an excuse, because not one could tell the straight truth.

In fact even after victory over the Germans and the conversion of the front, the guerrilla expected the liquidation by the NKWD troops coming on the rear of the Red Army. Maybe even by the Russian front troops, which did not treat them at all like allies, but like hunted game. The doom of AK divisions on Wileńszczyzna, on Lubelszczyzna, and all the lands of the eastern half of Poland, taken by the Soviets, became already known. They had not a chance; all soldiers of AK expected death. If the Germans did not kill them, they would perish from Soviet hands, and more so because they were not allowed to fight the Soviets, it belonged to treat them as allies. Command AK could not lead consciously all people straight on to death, and in best, fall to Soviet prisons for prolonged dying in the camps of the distant North, largely with the same result.

In short, it was a hopeless standpoint. The Katyń tragedy, treated long as incredible because of German propaganda, was neither a lie nor a history. The same may repeat still and still, on a greater scale, and with them directly now. Katyn was a hideous example, the symbol of violating every rule of civilizations—even the Nazis did not plan to killing so many POWs, but not a big group - only round 20,000 people. Now, exactly the same danger hung over a further 300,000 - all combatants in Poland, fighting actively for their country. And that was not at all an exaggeration as shows the plentitude of victims, which already now was greater from those killed in Katyń; only now they did not perish in one definite place but in many.

The only chance of escape appeared by "sauvé qui peut!" (everybody saves his own skin), meaning diffusion of troops, dissolution of structures, expecting not all may be caught. Of course, this still did not earmark, they may all survive. On the contrary in future many - too many - perished. In turn, the Germans murdered them, next Soviets, and finally, the created and directed by Soviets, the so-called "Polish Office of Safety." This continued many decades, if becoming less zealous with time. Commander in Chief of the Home Army (AK) who ordered the dissolution, soon perished in the Łubianka Prison, and colleagues of Angusa still died after years in Kielce Prison.

If even this was not Katyn, at last the death everywhere seemed about equal. If Angus had not had a successful escape in May 1945 he would experience this too, probably in the same prison.

It was difficult to appraise how many had the good, and how many the bad luck. In 1939, the Soviets murdered nearly all the about 20,000 officers. From the 115,000 plain soldier POWs, only some 15,000 survived. After 1944, the proportions may be similar.

A simple set-up, if paradoxical: Germany and the Soviets, the two powers, which years ago in close friendship and alliance together attacked and bested Poland, next became deadly foes. Yet relating to Poland, their procedures remained convergent, almost the same. Two bandits fought over the booty, which may be not only Poland (the Poles, in thinking so, exaggerated their own importance), but all Europe. Stalin actively helped Hitler to subdue this continent in 1940 and still in the first half of 1941. In fact, he enabled Hitler to start WW II, encouraged even more so, just pushed him to this. In 1939, ridiculed by both dictators, British diplomacy still effectively twice hold Hitler, causing him to extend the time-limit for setting in brand the world. But this interested not only Hitler, but also Stalin, who for a longtime tried to crush the existing in European order, preferably by somebody else’s hands, so he supplied to Hitler the needed backing.

Now formally the Soviets and Poles became allies, causing Poles to support loyal the Soviets in the fight against Germans, but this loyalty was one-sided. Soviet let any possibility to kill Poles by the Germans and afterwards liquidated the remaining. Exactly as if the common office of Gestapo and NKWD, appointed in 1939 in Kraków and next transferred to the less visible Zakopane for coordination of these murders, still existed.

The troops of Home Army in eastern Poland, formally allies, were disarmed and simply shot, or displaced to Siberian camps in the distant north, from where rarely anybody returned. A fresh example was the Varsovia rising, where Zhukow was ordered by Stalin to stop the victorious offensive and quietly waited all the months, till the Germans will devastate insurgents and partisans. Still after the revolt collapsed, he let the Germans have much time for proper annihilation of the remainders of the towns and catching out of hiding survivors.

If someone managed to survive, the Soviets later sought him in a manner systematic and more effective than the Germans. Naturally Stalin preferred to leave the first try of the dirty work to the Germans. The worst was the Poles could not defend themselves against Soviets, after all a member's of the anti-Hitler coalition, if only causally, after their dear friend Hitler attacked them in 1941.

Poland had to consider the public opinion, instead Soviets created their own public opinion, no other truth but that proclaimed through the official propaganda trumpet. Even without any cause, the Soviets accused Polish people about stepping against Soviets, but no voice in the world rose in the affair of felonies committed by the Soviets. The Allies applied censorship on all news from Poland, exactly like before about exterminating Jews by Germans. Command of AK could not this tell this straight on to the demobilized soldiers, it had to choose prudent words. However, even dissolving the organization did not save many of people. Through the next few decades, only those who managed to keep in secret an attachment to AK could feel relatively safe.

Before Angus’s eyes appeared the pictures from the gone epopee. Often details mislead and blotted out, he could not arrange properly to memorize them, as they ran too quickly one after another. But on the other side, single trees did not cover now picture of the forest, from a distance he saw better a general view.

These were unforgettable days, hectic yet splendid, only now may he understand a true meaning of resurrection. The first period, formation of squads, seemed to progress impulsively, but in reality it was realizing from years prepared and constantly bettered plans of universal uprising. Only some fragments of these plans became realized, but this was enough, to create many guerrilla squads and unite them in a great commando and soon, to start the frame of next great unit. The March to aid Warsaw was an improvisation, which replaced the plans of local revolts on terrain, but even so it took place efficiently and fluently, as if with force of the momentum. The army arrived in a forcible march till the line of Pilica and stopped there. For Angus personally it was a salvation in the last moment. He dropped down, but after a couple of days rest cam to life again. Days of hesitation and incertitude of command ended by an order of retreat. For the only time in his life he saw a crowd of rebel soldiers who did not want to listen to orders. They did not take care about their lives; they wanted to continue, to go on, with or without the officers. As well as officers, appealing to the soldiers, pleading and begging them, explaining and presenting military rights and tactical grounds. The final madness checked the colonel "Lin," who enjoyed the full trust of soldiers and their liking. Now he personally began to explain the reasons and decisions of the military council, in which he took part.

Did decision of retreat prove right? Angus did not take part in the public meeting, as may be called what happened there. Exhausted to half consciousness with preceding events and depressed with the sense of guilt for his mistakes, he lay down, nearly dead. But many times afterwards he considered the arguments for and against retreat, and in his mind decided against it. True, the line of Pilica formed a stronghold for the Germans, an extended pattern of trenches and fortifications, but staffed with not enough forces. Without reasonable doubt the II Division AK, (more so with the large part of VII division), could overcome. A serious danger appeared that beyond Pilica, all the way to Warsaw, it was still around 100 kilometers of open ground without forest—a distance which nobody may cross with a quick jump. Reports signaled a presence of German armored forces around Warka, which could without much trouble, devastate an infantry bereaved of heavy weapons.

This was the basic argument. They said that because of this the conference persisted so long and overheated the broadcasting station, left a little behind somewhere in the neighborhood of a village was Ruski Bród (the Russ Ford). The commander of the corps tried to invoice additionally by an air drop the most basic defense hand-weapons like the PIAT's (armor-piercing grenades) and smoke-candles. If these rumors were true, Angus later concluded the main problem may be not the German tanks (they were there as presumed, still extracting them from the front may be intricate). First it concerned the German air force.

Surely the Command of the Corps must knew the latest experiences of the I Infantry Division AK. Marching on the Wilno (Vilnius), trying to jump over the open valley of the Wilja River, they had been surprised by the German planes starting from the aerodrome of Pohulanka . Well, there were no modern hunters, mostly auxiliary, out-of-date aircrafts, umpteen of them still in use and they took off, only after the first troops of the Division came about 30 kilometers from the town. Nevertheless, these planes, landing back in moments of time for new ammo and starting again, changed further the way of a hell on the earth and played havoc with the partisan troops, who had no AA weapons at all. Still, they overcame, thanks to determination, high morale and self-sacrifice of the partisans, but the division lost so much blood (over 50% toll), that they were unable to take the town. Next the German garrison conquered also the attacks of the Red Army and after a long siege, broke out and misleading the Soviet chase disappeared into the forest. Surely it may rub to the German front in glory; Hitler in person awaited them with "Eichenlaubs" and medals. He needed any heroes much indeed, for show in the bad times coming. However in the forest the Polish guerrilla found his second chance. From the 5,000 withdrawing Germans, only some 1500 came through. However, next the I Infantry Division AK was "invited" for an imaginary reorganization, recuperation, and acquirement of modern weapons by the Red Army command. When arriving on the terrain pointed out by the Soviets, they became encompassed and disarmed, the Command was shot, part of the soldiers killed at once. The other part was interned and sent into the camps of death to the deep North.

This or similar scenario may happen again, and in fact was very likely. On the other side, however, if this death zone could be overcome, the II Division may have a big chance. She would not need storm any more German fortifications; towards Warsaw there lay an open terrain to the south limit of the capital—the small towns and suburbs, like Czerniaków, Wilanów, even Grójec, all without German garrisons. This for a time could stop the German offensive, return the initiative to the hands of insurgents and prepare the Capita for defense. In short, it was a similar result that effected the suicidal attack of Army Poznań in 1939 and the unexpected appearing of the rest of Army Łódz, which enabled the prolonged defense of Warsaw. For such an outcome, it was worth it to sacrifice the men, even all of II Division. Yet later, Angus learned facts that changed this picture. If Stalin anyway decided about the calamity of the Warsaw rising, all this was of no importance. He may have a use for "a mistaken attack" on the still German terrain, where had to go the AK infantry, by the Soviet Air Force or Red Army artillery, as happened sometimes in Warsaw. Besides, even if the insurgents held for a month or longer, the only result would be umpteen thousands more freedom fighters killed with at least 100,000 or more civilians. Anyway, a total lost.

On the way back, it was still not too late to realize the previously prepared plan of local uprising. However, the first strike they did on an artillery camp put near the front, expecting an opportunity to take some light pieces. It was a mistake, if admittedly they wrecked two batteries of heavy howitzers behemoths of caliber 210 mm (minus one-piece intact), there never existed a possibility to take any. However, this alarmed the German Army. Till now, the Command of the Front refused any contribution in campaign against the guerrilla. They argued that this belonged not to the Wehrmacht, but was the duty of police troops and should never to burden the front. Now, all this radically changed and front troops should support the surety forces in a hunt against the partisans. Wehrmacht, from stopping of the Soviet offensive, achieved such possibility. So from this moment the plans of regional revolt, with taking the main towns and the weapon industry of Kielce, Pionki, Radom Starachowice, and others and arming there a big number of volunteers in these factories, became unreal.

The divided troops continued fighting, alternatively eluding and defending but also attacking. Time elapsed when the German squads only followed the AK division from a distance, retiring before battle. But even so the scattered smaller commandos, acting against now the much stronger enemy, managed quite well. It is difficult to keep up the continuous kaleidoscope of fights, of dodges, of chases, and hunting, tearing away, concealments, and maneuvers. At least Angus had not had the time, nor force on mental complexes, considering his guilt. Anyway all effort and much luck were necessary to keep him in order with no time for thinking. There remained only the shreds of remembrances, all mixed up. He fell asleep in each moment, when he could, except when he had to eat something, but he remembered only a few calmer days, when he attended the damaged leg in the cottage. There were next occasions, when colleagues took him away on a cart, though already he could walk. In this manner he came into a new squad, but before and all the way back he managed to survive only thanks to colleagues.

After reading the order, the commandant with attending people turned to inspect three sides of the rectangle accepting reports from the commanders of subunits, conversing a couple of words with soldiers. Doing this, he delivered the honors, advancements, and the words of recognition. Despite that, Angus paid little attention to it at the beginning; he considered it an absurd ceremony. Maybe it was a performance, but a good one indeed, catching the hear Unexpectedly Angus felt now a shock and violent cramp in the throat, hearing his name referred to.

Suddenly with a shock Angus heard his name referred to. He received the first and only advancement in his life, to a full private (first-class rifleman). He quite understood that this was a gesture, empty of motion, yet with a surprise. All this may happen only because after curing his leg wound he did not go to his old battalion. To tell the truth, he still expected the 25 lashes; a deal was a deal. He agreed on this willingly, only to be not dismissed from guerrilla for break of discipline and would, now and ever, hold his word.

According to the regulations his voice remained steady. Afterwards he managed to master a pair of silly tears, by force stopped. May it mean that he reached the aim of his life, fulfilled the dreams, accepted to the circle of these splendid men, and had become one from them? Angus never wanted a rank, but a first-class means simply a true soldier and this was all he’d dreamed. But was he at all worth it?

He tried to look at himself from another side, as on an unknown, alien person. Big, heavy, clumsy, awkward, he may and did on the first look not give too bad an impression, but he knew best, this was only an illusion. His main defect was lack of strength and endurance, as if being made from a worse, weak ore. He had to make up with keeping up the appearances, speaking straight, cover his own weakness and pretend to cope all the stronger. Yes, he was at last accepted and this thanks to others, because on his own he would surely break down many times, so he drew force from colleagues. Appraising himself today, he felt like a disciple who mastered a part of material, but still has big defaults, if also some good sides. He was definitely ill-made, as if with two left hands and legs and probably because this, and not only posture owed a pseudonym "Niedźwiadek" (Bear cub, or baby). For himself he chose an alias Karol, and when this would not go, he tried a name of Phantom and properly this should be his alias. But all called him "Bear-cub" and there was nothing he could do against it. What's more, practically the name drew beyond him later, even after the war and only with great and effort, by diplomatic manipulations and personal propaganda he managed to change this to Teddy-bear. Well it composed, because sure he did never deserve to share this former alias with a famous genuine hero, the last Commander of Chief of the Home Army, killed by Soviets in Łubianka.

If clumsy, a surprise, precisely under fire he managed quite well. This, one of a few advantages, was a result of the bad experiences from September 1939 He acquired the expertise, when lying under machinegun fire of the planes, at the time a daily terror of some following days.

In August 1944, on the back way from Pilica, soon after the mentioned night attack on the German artillery in which Angus was not one of the lucky volunteers, he found that under rapid-fire, he reacted without excitement. The hail of missiles did not make much impression on him and in no way limited his spirit or mental capacities and picking of decisions instinctively according to the rules. It astonished him, when a more experienced soldier began to advise the greenhorn:

"Just try a few motions, change position, push a little in front, best do this, what now you may be most afraid of. In a few seconds the fear passes and you are free of any apprehension."

Angus just looked to him with a slight surprise and freely moved forward, surprised that he does not feel this feeling which he still remembered from 1939. Shrinking of his whole body from imaginary bumps in a hundred points at one time, need to concentrate all his mind on this. Now he felt that his body takes room in the zone of shade, in a covered niche and the passing bullets he may simply register dispassionately. The place that he found is safe. Gradually he began to react still better, to appraise every carving of the ground; every niche or dent. Even marching, he caught with time that he watches folds and odds of taking cover from different directions, and naturally distinguishes places where a decent behaving bullet from a flat shooting weapon may never reach.

With time Angus developed a natural skill. In a battle he plunged to earth and always tried to shorten the distance. He heard bullets passing over and around him, but knew also being fairly safe and well he took out the folds of ground moving on front. All the way to a moment, when he had reasonable chances, satisfying the likelihood of hitting something. Alas, he was shortsighted (when he was still at home his mother constantly put out to him stop the continuous reading). He had the same ugly monster of the gun, but shot rarely. Till now he never used a full magazine. If he returned five shots, he reproached this. Not a good reason, because from the moment of the intensive fighting, the supply corrected, both in weapons and in ammunition and economizing the charges was a proper anachronism. Now it happened that on the oncoming foe they opened a rapid-fire, if commonly only within near distance. But even in the time of such fire ambush, Angus tried before to advance. If at the beginning this turned on him too much attention (advertence), gradually the mates accepted his individual manner of warfare and approved Angusa and his behavior. In fact, he gradually produced the reputation of being not too bad a shooter. His commander, Forrester, only at times recommended not move too far from the line and from this moment Angus advanced no more than 100–200 meters or so, so he could hear at once the order of the withdrawal.

In short, this was his close specialization and he gained the right, because it turned out good. From the other side, with time he became too confident and got wounded twice. Both times they were light wounds and not really worth speaking about. The first time, the bullet superficially hit the calf, never damaging bones or arteries. Clearly Angus sheltered himself, but left behind too long a piece of leg back, or may raise it. Angus did not notice when this happened, because it was a hot moment, only later colleagues saw the blood. The medical orderly looked over the scrape and after a moment two heavy peasants sat on Angus, and a third held the leg, while the medical orderly disinfected the wound in the old way with tincture of iodine. Immobilization was unnecessary, as Angus would have accepted the horse cures, because from early youth, when still wearing short trousers, he did constantly hurt his knees. So many times he appraised the tincture of iodine and recognized that this all heals faultlessly and quick, when bandages cause a long messing up. It was worth it to feel a small discomfort and become fit quickly, so it happened now.

But in the second case, though the wound was still lighter, the bullet tore off the sole from his boot - precisely this heavy-duty, never tearing off stuff, still from American gifts in 1941 - and scratched up lightly the sole of his foot. But walking caused an infection and this was a nearly fatal affair. He remained few days near a peasant hamlet and there, in despair, suspected gas gangrene. He read about this in books about WW I and was in sheer panic. The swelling was monstrous, but neither the stink, nor the characteristic crackling by pressure supportede his diagnosis. He already prepared and disinfected an ax, but unable to cut off the leg with high fever decided on slitting the foot with disinfected safety razor. The pus and rotten matter erupted like petrol from a shaft. Then he washed it with illicitly distilled strong liquor, and next it quickly improved. A couple of days later a horse-car of another battalion happened along (his battalion lost all cars in withdrawal) and he spent a week on it, and by now had forgotten about the wound, temporary remaining in this squad.

However, there ended the passable censures - if one may grant this positive - and remained the bad. Above all, physical effort, which after turning back from Pilica became still more exhausting, he managed much worse than the others. In short, sometimes he arrived at the limit of his possibilities and then performed badly. He was distinctly feebler, in case of so social misunderstanding, a conflict, he would have no chance with any of his colleagues. This was only a mental abstraction, but in general he was not fit in a hand-fight reach, if from a sense of duty tried to pick up at least the elementary skill. From the colleagues, he heard about comment of famous ideal and paragon, Gloomy. It was rumored that he spoke once, like so, with his soldiers:

"Did any of you train in boxing, wrestling, freestyle, or jujitsu, or something like?" There maybe were a few, but nobody answered. "It is even better so, you developed no bad customs. In this sport for gentleman all, what effectively is prohibited, in order by God not do harm someone. You are in altogether another position. A partisan has to be able, as a rule, to gain advantage against many and speedily. You may have to get rid of an enemy in one moment, with one motion. Unless you kill or temporarily render him harmless, next already there all will be one, no matter, if you, or he may be in overhand, because then umpteen people will rush on you and this shall be you end…"

According to this, Angus decided take part in no fight as an exchange of courtesies, but using his bulk and balance merely to accept any possible blows and trend to a full contact. Then comply one of the few learned, effective, but probably deadly manners which he learned. He appraised that even if it gets worse at beginning, it must cut the distance and to close on to the enemy.

Also he had only a theoretical idea about using the bayonet, or the knife. He remembered only that in case of need it is best to apply it in the briefest time and shortest way, without superfluous complications. He took on, it would be best to absorb a push, possibly in a less tender place and apply a fatal one. Anyway he considered, the wide-spreading of handguns outdates all other weapons and martial arts. However, he did not achieve any progress with a pistol. There was neither time, nor the conditions for training. He was able only to train the quick draw and this was all, no shooting. Anyway, he had only the old faulty pistol, in part corrected, but still only about a 60% chance of shooting; 40 % on deception.

All in all he appraised that surely he did not deserve advancement and in most of the points, he presents a caricature of this, what should represent a genuine partisan. On the other hand, if he did what he could and took the entire load, he could stand. "Quantum in me fuit." If he only had a little more time… But even so, he received a consolation reward.

"Maybe still," he thought, "one may find some little plus signs. For example it appears that I see well in darkness." Lately, if moving after dark, especially on difficult ground, he went in front and at times (it was his own idea) tied a napkin or something white on him. "I have also, in the forest, a natural sense of direction." Not always - he remembered the wild-goose chase after his squad on the way to Pilica. "But then I was after all, not myself, only a thin thread united me with reality, with the outward world."

The rest of the day dragged on unbearably. In one of the sheds encamped a few officers, including both from the District Command and there in turn appeared the soldiers from a queue, usually three at a time, although sometimes in pairs or single. After exit they talked little and only waved away the hands. They said only there are no mysteries and soon all may convince. Mainly they heard only good advice on how to keep on and where to go, but such counsels may be smashed on ass, like the missing stroke of heads for good-bye.

Anyway, not all the guerrilla troops dissolved at once; they were the first. The rumors go doggedly around, that some, but only a few devil my care soldiers, why privileged, got a proposal to come over to other guerrilla squads, which temporarily may continue the fight. The spirit fell, the mood became gloomy and nervous. Most people reeled on the ground of the camp and the next environment; some conversed quietly at the site or even whispered, what had never happened before. Still nobody prepared for departure, even the already demobbed soldiers.

Angus wanted neither conversations, nor fresh news, but only to concentrate and think alone. He went aside, but for one second could not get rid of friends, some of whom most distinctly needed and searched for a talk. He met in turn two such. For both the war already ended and the thought now about this, how it goes and what they will do after the war. They never considered about the meantime, despite the war still has a long way to go. They imagined simply that soon return the relations like before the war. In the beginning the times would be naturally poor and hard, but essentially the same. This, the Germans lose the war was for all visible, then again obvious the Polish people, after all for this what they did and got over, could not be ignored and Soviets could never threaten so. Our allies never let any real harm come.

Perhaps, Poland may lose something east, not fair, but so is the world—for this we will get something west. These are remote affairs, for politicians and supposedly they worry and take care. Now the main, what after this all may manage a plain peasant son, return to his farm, or seek a better bread and breeding in a town. Living so long in and familiar now with the forest, he daydreamed of becoming a forester or a gamekeeper. He liked this environment and wanted to live nearby here. But he considered this impossible without qualifications and training. Angus induced him to try for education, the best would be university study of forestry. He denounced this as unreal, already thinking about university as absurd.

"Man, you already did a harder task. What may be this one for you? Are you afraid of university—you who never feared the German Army? You face now a short period of poverty and heavy work - anyway like a heaven in comparison to the life here. But the professors are not enemies, more like the commanders, mostly fair and just. After the WW I also many soldiers, even of age, tried for education, some officers went to grammar school and never considered this a shame. On the contrary, they were proud, having an opportunity they may never have had normally. Do not act foolishly; think no more - just do it. After a couple of years you’ll find out what you may do best then you take first advancement and next keep on. You’ll have all you wanted before." The soldier left, deep in thought.

The second one, a noncommissioned officer, high valued in the squad, had been like a guardian to Angus. They knew each other from Ostrowiec, although he lived-in Bodzentyn and already then he had beyond long partisan and conspiratorial experience. At the time Angus was merely a nobody. Now he, also, wanted conversation. But he preferred to listen to his own voice. Rather high and broad-shouldered, with a large head and an iron organism, the man was the main source of Angus’ information about Gloomy, in which squad he served from the beginning and on which he tried to model in all. He was alike in physical type, although biggish.

A marvel, although now it was already common knowledge, he never believed in Gloomy’s death. The exact news about this to the II Division brought wreckers from the Nalibocki primeval forest which rubbed up near Warsaw, and a couple of them from by Kampinos went all the way here. He firmly believed that such a superman could never perish and many soldiers of his squad shared the supposition.

"Without regard on any confirmations, he may appear again in the most surprising circumstances. I finished the first year of officer school and I hope that I will finish the whole. I do not feel guilty as there was neither the time nor possibility of completing it up to now. After the war I want serve in the professional Army. All tell me I am suited for the job and with God’s will it may happen that I serve again under Gloomy’s command." There was no answer to this.

With relief Angus accepted, when a few boys came along who necessarily wanted to urge "Przybysz" (pseudonym, meaning a newcomer or arriver) to show his famous throw with a grenade. About his skills soldiers told legends, and now was the last occasion to see if the legend was true.

"Listen, for a longtime we’ve wanted to see what you are able to do, but somehow the occasion never happened and now it is the last time. We may be able to learn something. Lastly this is perhaps worth one grenade after all from now on they’re useless. We may even go to ask for permission, only do agree."

"You are out of your mind. Talk no more on the subject. It is not only a matter of wasting one good grenade, which is to you now useless. This does not mean that it may be not necessary. Maybe next you are willing to have a spell of shooting in air, at all behave like the Kalmucks. I see that you have already ceased to feel in the Polish army, it happens too quickly." He brought down "Przybysz." A sharp talk, in other circumstances straight the last word to beating. But not in guerrilla, where a scuffle may never be tolerated, and even more so, when speaking to someone much respected by the colleagues.

At least Przybysz agreed to show a throw, but surely not with a genuine live grenade. He asked them to seek and bring a few stones about nearly of the weight and balance of a "lemon" and "egg" grenade. He considered the German handle grenade anybody may throw, but it is a toy for children, a loud bang, but little result. Angus, as already clear from his description, hurled all rather badly, the stones included. Now he did not try to correct, finding that it never shall be any good, only a waste of time on futile tries. Merely it was one of many actions for which he was not fit. Better to concentrate on what he may do better: shooting. But now he saw something that he would otherwise never have believed.

Przybysz first balanced in one hand a genuine "lemon" and in the second hand alternating the brought stones. He chose carefully two from them, then selected one and went not on the glade, but to the old forest, where far stood great stems. Having chosen a place, he showed on one from the stems, which according to Angus appreciation placed in a distance, double or maybe even threefold from the farthest he could possibly throw (never mind taking aim). Przybysz called one man with a watch asking, "Mark exactly seven seconds," and he announced loud, "NOW!" After a couple of seconds the stone flew out unbelievably high and quick, as if fired from a mortar. He hit the pointed-out tree at the altitudes of man’s head exactly in the same moment the soldier with the watch announced "seven." The second stone Przybysz threw from the earth to a nearer tree took four seconds in his hand and three in the air.

"Best of all is if the grenade explodes a little before the target, about two meters above the ground, but this of course one may not guarantee, if only because the detonators are not ideal. With time, some detonator may disappoint you, but a man should not."

More he did not display, perhaps remembering the mentioned joke of Gloomy, who told never to imperil the reputation, if one managed by chance a good display.

"Man, you at all should resign from the military and become a sports star. Surely you would conquer gold medals, probably also for other types of throws and with luck, you would travel to the Olympics!"

"Right, good, but it is necessary to keep a source of living from something. I know, what I am able to do, in a free moment gladly take a little of entertainment, but as circus actor from demonstration I will not do."

Before midday the next day came at last Angus’ place in the queue. One of the normal trio, he stepped into the shed and stood up, or rather sat down, before areopagus, because they invited him to sit by the table. So began a rather strange, over-kind conversation, which was vague, about personal plans, the life and its conditions, work possibility and environment, but without any concrete data, places, names, not mentioning any people. After some time the officer, the deputy of the commandant, asked Angus for a solemn promise of secrecy, which was still queerer, considering he was already bound by the oath of AK.

"Yes, admittedly the organization may become untied, but the oath binds for the future. But this time something special goes still about, and the colleague shall hear this now. This matter may promote the survival, but by the violation the secret may turn on the contrary, pull a calamity and death on many people. This is why, to remind and tell you, we ask again about promise of secrecy, although anyway this still embraces this, your first oath. One imprudent word may cause that many valuable people become hunted game and shall lose their lives instead of keeping them. Our action of support may become a fatality, a total loss, and therefore I ask you to hold full secrecy. You cannot tell this to anybody—ever. If you do not hold to this, may your own conscience judge you."

Surprised and uncertain of what may be the matter, Angus composed the promise, noticing the other colleagues did the same during separate conversations, although by the same table.

"I understand you have not anywhere to go as merely return home, to your family, try a noiseless approach and wait there for the war end. The Home Army is unable to back you, and can no longer take care of you. In short, we have to leave you to you fate, people who entrusted the Organization with their lives. We may do only one, by the parting each shall receive one-piece of gold. These are not wages, merely the only form of relief, which is possible. It has to help survival to the end of the war and if need be, during the coming hard times. Remember, the AK never had anything to do with this gold, the coin you received as a present by your baptism. All date before the beginning of 20th century, the elder get the oldest. If you judge that there will be trouble with selling it, you may now get the matching sum in ordinary banknotes, but nobody knows how long they will keep any value. However, never, but never, in the dangerous times give the coin directly and never admit owning this. Hide her now well on your body or in a dress, and when already you are home, don't carry it anymore and show to nobody. If it becomes necessary, sell it discreetly and this best may arrange someone from your family. Remember if the news ever circulates, instead of relief the effect would be so as if someone earmarked a price on your heads, a reward for shooting the former soldiers. Even on torture you cannot mention one word of this. Lie or brag instead. Our conversation never happened and you remember nothing. Even comments between mates are inadmissible. Now let’s settle the affair and then end with this, forever."

One of the soldiers remained silent and only nodded his head. The second protested.

"Up to now, it was me who gave on the Organization’s need; not the other way around. I do not say much, so much I could stand. Suppose already it stays as by beginning, I do not want to reverse the order."

Angus took the last voice because he had trouble to find words and was seized with a fit of coughing as the words did not want to go through his throat.

"I do not know what I did, which caused or made an impression. But I never, never I wanted to be paid. I came here, to...for..." he stuttered. "NO, NEVER!"

The officer also got nervous.

"Just a moment, even if someone came here and received a reward, this would to nobody reduce his dignity or honor, if only he did his duty. Many gorgeous people sacrificed all for Poland, however, and received this reward. They had to live from something and without this they could not engage all the time, fully productive. So don’t judge others and do not act snobbishly. The truth is, you did demand nothing, you gave your life and blood and nobody pays you for this and anyway there would be no proper price. But do you understand, where it is the Poland, for which you come to fight? For now it does not exist physically, it has not one piece of earth besides this where you stand. This Poland is now only in ourselves. Singing the hymn, do you understand proper meaning of what you sing "…untill we live?" This is the main: you are the most valuable, in fact all that remained, and therefore you must try to survive by all means."

"Well, this is the Organization money and intended on the main task, which now is more important than weapons and munitions and takes the first place of all. I do not propose you take now the wages and spend it on drink or trollops. I try to motivate you to take this piece if gold and use it in case of need to rescue yourself, or another person, as you recognize the case. It is now your decision and your responsibility. You are the last link of the chain and you choosing of a good case. This man here came with a belt, heavy from gold, which he got from another messenger, before another parachutist decided on a dangerous jump, not only because of balance and weight. Sure all of them, all the time were moving targets for the Germans and all the scum. Now the gold came here where it may do most good, after long way over fire and water. Think it so, the Motherland entrusted it to you, to use it the best you can at your discretion and you say a loud ‘NO.’ Think again, because if you are unable to realize so much, I would say you are simply an opinionated, foolish snob and conceited son of a bitch! Do you know such an expression, "more catholic than pope?’"

Only later, as they went out, this man who was quiet before did say to colleagues, "but he had a way of talking-to, what? Pretty well he swept out your objections". Only then Angus did notice, all these words fell without inner fire or anger and were too well formed, well-turned sentences: it was as if he had repeated them many times before.

Next they, in greater group, heard out still more of technical information. An unknown man taught them the basic knowledge, beginning with distinguishing the sound of gold coin laid on wool, next all the way to balance, values, and accepted customs of the black market. Also about the most frequent con manners of impostors, how to search for occasions, contact currency dealers, and how to withdraw if something seems suspected. He was quick, dry, and dispassionate, without personal engagement. It was a short course; the information may be necessary to survive.

Then still they heard some brief pointers about new situations in the country, the manner of keeping.

"Do not engage in any task more, do not turn on yourselves any advertising, do sit noiselessly and do confine all contacts to a minimum, chiefly with the underground. Do not speak between yourselves and best do not breathe, or very sparsely at least. If you have to help one another do it discretely and never mention that you know each other. By the end we wish you success and good luck, which may be necessary now, and farewell, now not from officers or superiors, but brothers-colleagues, who say at the least, thank you."

The last that Angus settled was turning over his beloved carbine. He could take him home, but it was too heavy to hide and to tell the truth, for use too, so he kept only the pistol.

This day settled all and formally the squad finished to exist, but somehow few people left after lingering a while. An overwhelming majority remained to the next day. Nobody used alcohol on good-byes, a custom strictly obeyed all during the past campaign. However, Angus with genuine shock; noticed the sight, as at the light of campfire, groups of players busy with playing cards, a poker. Not for money—only cigarettes, but as everybody knew, cigarettes exchanged on cartridges. Now the value devaluated, one cigarette—one cartridge.

Suddenly Angus shuddered, because for a moment it appeared to him that beyond the group of poker players he noticed his father and himself, playing the preference. They also did this, if they wanted to stop thinking. The impression was uncanny and heartbreaking.

"Devils business, do I become superstitious or what?. Everywhere now I see pictures from the past. What do they call it? "Deja vu", or similar. And this reminds me of this Persian superstition about seeing, meeting suddenly oneself, rumored as the most terrible experience. Too much nonsense I read and apply it continuously to my genuine life, where they do not fit at all. It is necessary to sleep while one can. Tomorrow I stand up with earliest morning only to say good-bye and go straight home," he told himself.

The next day he woke up very early - under rapid-fire.

The hail of bullets from machine weapons poured on the camp from the still altogether dark northwest side. In the eastern direction a weak light had just begun to appear. The bullets went pretty high, mostly after trees. From that height poured a second hail of cones, branches, and merely needle twigs, but it differed from the smacks of bullets on the earth. The woken-up people seized weapons, jumped out from shelters and dived to the side from where came the fire, like firemen to a brand. It was a complete surprise. There was neither a foregoing premonition, nor any warning. There was no commandant, who had set off yesterday with the representatives of the District Command, and anyway the squad was already dissolved, nonexistent. There were no standing orders, no one to improvise them and anyway, no time to recognize what happened, or what are the positions, or to cope with something temporary. The people did act instinctively, after conditioned reflexes, inculcated or grafted in the time of common campaign, an automatic behavior.

The guerrilla squads as a rule lacked strength, not only in number of men, but mostly in weapons and especially the ammunition. Germany could shoot hundreds and thousands of missiles of every type on every one partisan’s bullet. Of course these were only from manual weapons, because if the partisans had sometimes anything more substantial, this was an exceptional event indeed. When Germans fired all the ammunition, merely they demanded and received more. If partisans fired the last shot of all, they just became defenseless, and in the worst case, unable even to kill themselves.

There remained only one manner for not leveling up the chances, of course, but to decrease the difference, by shortening the distance and getting as close as possible to a full contact.

Precisely because of this, the people who were still half-conscious from sleep impulsively rushed to the direction from where the shots fell and drew others behind them.

Partisans of course had no cannons and rarely met artillery fire, but acted according to Napoleonic rules; the army hadn’t no need to think, but would automatically go direct to the voice of cannons. The old rule changed somehow with time, but still kept the spiritual prominence even if in a changed shape.

Still a year ago, in 1943, the underground free press discussed the ways of conducting the war, including the guerrilla, but also all active military organizations. The accepted manner was, admittedly, effective, but had a blemish: the high death rate. Some people declared this too costly for nation as a whole, chiefly because this concerned the best, most able to self-sacrifice commandos, which was a negative segregation.

However, the weight checked the noted point that by another behavior the toll would become greater and not smaller. Besides, the belligerents all volunteered and did not come to the squads, to spend time quietly and survive the war. If it went about such aim, this of course must be to choose other options. If this would be the main task, of course they should make another choice. They had to protect the common people, fight the enemy, kill as many foes as they could, fighting most effectively. If they could remain at life, it would be fine, but of need it was only of second importance.

Gloomy, the outstanding guerrilla commander who created the pattern of practice and procedure, explained the basics in a more picturesque and clear way:

"You are so much feebler and worse armed, that you have not a chance for escape at all. A battle would then change in the hunt with a chase and all soldiers, to the last would be tracked down and slain. You can change this in one-way only: by putting the little of ammunition you have with the greatest accuracy right into the enemy, to jolt them by an impressive blow. There is no such battle where all perish. Chances in a battle are always better, that in escape from a hunting party. Only next, when you make a dent in the enemy’s morale, his readiness to a close fight, give a good shock to him, you may break the contact. If you will inoculate to them first a little respect, they shall not be too zealous in the chase."

For a longtime Gloomy’s words remained a true Gospel for the generation of people who went out from his school. Besides, from childhood Angus remembered as once an elder cousin, to whom Angus clearly in his snotty age became too ho-hum boring, conducted him to an apiary and told him to blow strongly into the hole of a beehive. That's if he wanted to see something interesting. Now, if the machine guns’ fire may be a distant analogy to blowing, the Germans exactly did blow into a beehive.

Angus lost a little time, starting one of the last. This happened because before going to sleep, he took off his boots, full, massive, and laced by leather straps. Even in the most urgent time, he could run neither fast nor quick, unless he tied them properly. Next, because he’d handed over the heavy rifle, he was almost weaponless, with exception of much deceptive, faulty pistol, so he would be of no use to his mates. He rushed to the shed, where he yesterday turned over his heavy carbine. He could not find it, but seized a German MP. It was a weapon that was light and handy. Many dreamed of it as Angus did, if deadly tired. After a time of intensive fighting, the squad became well provided with arms that were taken from the Germans.

Now he drove already as if on wings, seem fly in the air rather than running on the earth, straight overfilled with luck. Angus already thought this was at an end—and here the Germans came for them, saving the effort of planning, preparations, marches, expectations, and waiting—and possible disappointment. Appearing in sight right before him he had to feel the collective force which with him framing a part of it moved smoothly against the foe, to conquer or to perish. Without regard to the outcome, this was the most gorgeous day of his life.

Long before he saw the silhouettes of colleagues and he tried with all his force to level up with them. About 20 minutes and a few kilometers later Angus he hungered for air most of all and did not fly anymore, but ran with desperate workout. He was, as before, on the end, but already near the tail before he saw any Germans, except for a couple of corpses, they’d all run away. Only afar moved the forms in "feldgrau" scattering on both sides. A few times he shot trying do the short series, but he felt the weapon may be miraculous, but it happened in inappropriate hands, familiar with another that was much different. He tried to stop each time, to steady the arms and if only by side to lean on a tree, to calm down his respiration and chiefly take no more than three shots at a time. However, he was not sure about his effectiveness. Mostly, the devil knows why, his attention alternated between the small drops of sweat splashing each time on his face and catching his eyes sometimes. He denounced this as a cause of wasting the shots, though simultaneously aware that this was quite an irrational impression and told himself: "Do not be an idiot, this indeed does nothing. With a bad dancer even the smallest apron prevents the performance". (About, "a bad workman blames the tools"). After he finished off the first magazine and inserted the second and last, he swore to keep a strict fire discipline, to shoot only to the surest targets.

Gradually all, exhausted, began to slow down, when from the front again began a heavy shooting and simultaneously tempo grew up. No doubt, a clear sign, they reached the second, external line of encirclement, sure feebler and sparsely crewed, than the inner behind them. But chiefly now, none could let himself to go easy, or stop. They all needed a final effort and a quick jump, at once, or the Germans may re-create the kettle. This time the German soldiers did not back out, a moment lasted an obscure situation, typical confusion, till in the series of brief chaotic skirmishes they were knocked out. The line was not strongly protected and there was no way to stop the guerrilla. With impetus, the boys got through like a hot knife through butter and still ran, but slowing the stinging tempo, which Angus kept on with trouble. Again he was at the end; never before had he run such distance and so forcefully. Sure if he’d had the super-heavy gun with him he could never have made the way. On the other hand, if he’d had the gun with him, no doubt he would make today his record of hits, because never before and never again occurred an occasion with so many targets.

In this moment suddenly umpteen meters before him rose the shape of a German soldier. Impossible, unreal, he looked out exactly as a picture from "Die Welle," a German Army weekly. In helmet ornate by twigs, to the spotted "leopard" tunic and even in hands he held the carbine with a regular bayonet, which gave him a rarely met sight. He appeared like a phantom from the empty ground, which Angus saw perfect and could swear there was absolutely nobody there. It was a strange impression, like a jump into parallel reality. Black magic or what? Suddenly the time slowed and seconds divided into rows of separate fragments, brought altogether like to slow-motion film.

Angus instinctively raised the MP to fire a short, well, maybe this time, exceptionally a longer series. But the series never fell—he’d already shot already all the bullets from the magazine. Simultaneously, the German takes a shot from his gun and this also does not fire. Now Angus with practiced by the hours of daily training, with lightning speed reaches for his ruin of a pistol, holds it in his hand and pulls the trigger. From the lock spring away the coil, he holds only a worthless piece of metal. The bayonet gives now a ruthless advantage to his opponent. Angus throws from all his power the dead now pistol in the German. Even if hit he would gain little, but the pistol passed only beside helmet. On top of all he missed, he always threw badly. In a desperate, all-out effort he tried to brake the speed that carried him straight onto the bayonet, already only a few steps distant, but it was impossible to stop his legs from moving ahead.

There happens some odd phenomenon. The external limits of Angus view darken and obliterate. What he saw gave the impression of a disk of black paper appearing with a hole in the center and this hole at first wide, decreases. The sides of the picture cover a black ring, and only the central part remains visible, the diameter of which becomes smaller. At least visible is only with a top part of the German’s silhouette, his head and hands holding the rifle and in the center the bayonet, which approaches and grows. Despite his superhuman efforts, Angus, unable to stop, comes close and closer, so he resigns from the futile essay and tries at least to change a little the direction. In this moment the bayonet comes out from the center, Angus leans desperately to another side and runs over the body of the German. In the last glimpse he noticed at his throat, just over the tunic, a small red pink flower, a poppy, impossible, they fade so quickly, no, it was a great red rose. After jumping over the falling body, which he grazed, stumbling, but somehow managed to hold onto legs, takes a few steps more and lastly stops, catching a tree. The next minute his only contact with world consisted of the spasmodic gulping of air, which is now his main task. He felt as if his lungs may crack, still to less air, more, more! Gradually begins a back action, the dark ring retreats, the diameter of view grow and his vision returns to normal. Angus partly stands, partly hangs holding the tree and after moment feels someone jerking his shoulder.

"What's with you?" a voice screamed at him. "Are you hurt?" Angus with difficulty finds his voice.

"Nothing wrong, I am OK."

"So move, don't stand so, run! Did you become insane? Look, nobody is here, only us alone!"

One of his pals, even not nearly familiar, was still behind him and now, shouting these few words, rushed in front. Angus beyond him, but slower, after moment still someone follows. The group was far away; he’d lost them already from his sight, so he followed the least single shadows, still weak after the mortal meeting. But he sees, hears, and reacts normally.

The memory of this few, umpteen seconds remained with him many years. He analyzed this multiple times and was satisfied, mostly, that he did not feel fear then. Telling the truth, there was not time for this, but there happened next moments of terrible dread if especially after a stupid act the following year. However, for years he was sure, this moment was exactly, when he met death most close, by centimeters and fractions of a second; more, the death had him already and suddenly turned away. This all agreed full of what he read, about the impression of going through a tunnel or great tube and similar stories about life after life. In fact, this experience stabilized him for many dangers to come. Maybe the reality was not quite so real, rather an audio-video display somebody fed him, like from a tape. Maybe this time the tape almost tore up before a programmed time, but The Operator managed to mend it just in the last moment. This beautiful thought added to his childish beliefs about the possibility of contacting God, not mentioning, that even now, an unbeliever, in critical moments he still took to the direct intercom.

However there existed another explanation, admittedly less picturesque, romantic, or fantastic, much less beautiful and not giving such satisfaction—but more simple, as matter of fact, physiological. The fantasy, taken from books and vivid imagination, a limited vision and tunnel effect had nothing to do with a presumed death, if only with dying of many thousands of brain cells caused by extreme lack of oxygen. Similar phenomena may observe the long-distance runners, or too hard working, after extreme exhaustion or desperate essays, using all organic reserves. Next, the still lacking oxygen was used first to auto-regeneration and supporting of the work of pump taking blood into the organism—and only then blood transported it to the brain. So instead of mystical and romantic visions remains the simple physiological explanation of an event which happens sometimes after maximum effort. Optic nerves use much oxygen.

Angus remained nearly defenseless, as he didn’t return to the dead German for the rifle, because it too was empty. Surely he would find there cartridges, but this probably was an excuse, exculpatory dislike to return for a bad associated object. Faraway he met other rifles and cadavers, so he took one without a bayonet; well the bayonet was never his favorite weapon and especially not today. A couple of minutes later he met a greater group of partisans, collected near one of the officers. Near him stood Przybysz and precisely finished the answer.

"I know this sides exactly, indeed each angle. I conducted even the Gloomy, in the vicinity, in the past year, during one from great German searches and chases."

"I was there and remember this fact," corroborated someone.

"So well, now you led us on. You will now take the command and we listen to your orders, I too," decided the officer. The majority looked on him with full recognition, a conscious and cool partner. "Does someone have a map? Even knowing the territory, a map makes for easier planning."

With a map found, after a moment Przybysz proposed: "We return here, not to camp but a bit further, there look out and then engage according to conjunctures, and take the best guess."

"There are too few of us to attack," someone said.

"If anyone thinks that I propose idiocy, they are free to go," Przybysz answered. "They already take off the encirclement now and will go in the direction where we are, seeking us. The outside line of encirclement sure already the Germans taken off or it assembles and we shall go by the side and return on the ground where we camped. Not close to the camp, because they certainly will collect the dead there, both theirs and ours. We’ll wait a bit further on and will sure find more dispersed folks. Do assure the weapons and nobody is allowed to shoot. If they notice us, this shall end badly, so try. I need a couple of calm volunteers who best know to move in a forest and go in front. We go to the young thick coppice about a kilometer beyond camp and to the right and there we will wait, till all or most of German forces leave. Look out, but be cautious not to show yourselves. If you see our colleagues in oppression, you may have a free hand to relieve them, if only without shooting and any noise. We have one trump and that is they believe that now there is no need to behave noiselessly and so certainly we will hear them first - and after this, as God allows."

After a fatal beginning of this day, the remainder now run to the contrary, according to plan. On the place selected by Przybysz, all arrived in luck and dropped there, and though a couple of times the Germans came in the vicinity, they noticed nothing. Instead, the guerrilla scouts in fact found some scattered partisans; a few in that very copse. In total there were over a hundred soldiers gathered—surely a most numerous and impressive group from the old battalion. The majority of the Germans had left already or were leaving in a hurry, surely to organize a new hunting party anticipated by Przybysz - a futile hunting that had to hit on vacuum (vacancy).

Only on the campground remained a party of Germans, gathering, pulling, and photographing the trophies, mostly of ruined shelters, a few personal things, and so on. Alas, there were also weapons—this indeed painful. The loss of the armament decided that this what happened, according to partisans’ bases and the criterion of value may be recognized a heavy defeat.

This was why some proposed to hit unexpectedly on the remaining Germans, who now were between others collecting the dead bodies and weapons.

"Our war already came to end and we will not, despite distinct orders, begin anew on our own. Yes, probably an unexpected bump may succeed—and what next? You saw, these are neither police forces nor the backside scum; even surprised they would put a fight and the others did not leave faraway. If they held our pals as captives, anyway we may take them, but nobody saw any. And there are more German corpses than of our boys. So what the reason, that we lost some weapons? Surely, this is no case to pride, on the contrary, shame and reproach. But even if we could recover this and conquer new, would you retreat in sweat carrying each a few guns or what? It is an absurd idea. I want only to conduct you safely home. Remember, our battalion dissolved two days ago; we are not soldiers anymore. We got the last orders—to survive—and for me that is what counts most. Even so, this is not easy without a new battle. So best take a rest now, in about an hour more, we may go."

They left about 11 a.m., first going straight to the south and then they turned west, parallel to the road and surprisingly nearby. Then Angus lost his natural orientation; he was not in his best form after the enterprise. The march was forceful and only with brief interruptions every two hours. Only at the first, Przybysz sent a patrol, obviously to a familiar farm after some food—besides they composed what they had by themselves and all ate, even if little. They had nothing more this day and effort was huge indeed. Przybysz conducted without hesitation, along an ample circle. He changed roads often, already many and later Angus tested to see and settle the way they walked, but from participants of this murdering march each interlocutor gave another calculation, from 70 to 90 kilometers. All agreed that each, who may drop from fatigue in a vicinity of sides, where he has a family or relatives, or where any familiar people lived that are willing to keep him, may go. He should only to report so. Many did so and the group got smaller.

Already about twilight they jumped over the roadway, which all the time they went from afar and began to circulate in another site. Late at night they saw already from distance the neighborhood of Starachowice. At last, well after midnight, and barely alive, Przybysz stopped and went himself to recognize the place, where they had to put up. During the night it began to drizzle, but people lay down straight on the road and almost instantly fell asleep, even if they lay in a pool. When after half an hour Przybysz returned, no one could rise. Those who stood shook the others, persuaded there is a better place to sleep, begged and at last kicked the sleeping. Nearby was a forest and a little settlement; for them the main part was a barn with dry hay.

Late noon, when they came to themselves and swindled the famine, Przybysz said that now each returns his own way, he to the side of mountains and who wants, may tag along or not. Angus decided to go with a few boys who returned to Chmielów, from where he had already been round 6 kilometers to his house in Ostrowiec. He wanted to go out from Chmielów after dusk, so he could to come to Ostrowiec in darkness. He still did not know Chmielów; only from a schoolmate he’d heard that before the war it enjoyed an opinion of village, where at each entertainment ambulance did a heavy work. This may be accurate as the boys there never missed a good brawl.

 Capsule: Contribution to the Chaos Theory: In a position without exit, to do something unexpected.

Described here was the second and last battle of WW II in Iłża forest, which happened between Germans and already nonexistent squad of AK. One may tell, with demobbed civilians, remaining still on place after dissolving their battalion, who had not time to vanish. For the Wehrmacht, it was a bad business and quite unnecessary.

From the German side, in this battle took a contribution patrols and subunits detached from different Divisions, including one from the most exclusive elite: Grenadiers from "Panzerdivision Waffen SS Hermann Goering." Both sides, in turn, surprised the enemy behaving mutually in manner entirely unexpected.

German soldiers entered the forest where they had to find partisans during the night, which is something that had previously never happened and what all Poles considered most unlikely. Only such a thought seemed, based on the known experiences, absurd. Acting bold—only too daringly and deft at so unusual procedure, they achieved in fact, a long series of impossibilities. They found and encompassed foe in the night; they took positions; and noiselessly suppressed Polish outposts. Well, not quite. This success was not complete and this caused the final attack to begin some time earlier than originally planned. And the plan was carefully and correctly elaborated, it is necessary to tell that there existed a chance of the complete rooting out of partisans.

"Exactly at dawn, an attack from the west side had to start battle so running away partisans would be pushed on a convenient ground stretching some 1–1.5 kilometers east. The prepared covert posts of machine guns had to open rapid cross fire. Then from both sides they had to hit, properly only to take a short walk, the patrols of infantry liquidating these, who survived and took captives or also liquidating the wounded."

"A loose group of freshly demobbed civilians, surely incalculable amateurs, in addition commanded by nobody, reacted according to the military specialists in an altogether irregular and unexpected manner. They rushed straight on the chase, prepared for pursuit, but never expected a need of defense. Thanks to this precisely partisans went out from trap."

For some time Angus and many others judged, that they’d suffered a crushing defeat, but gaining more information about the toll changed this. The battalion dispersed and never again gathered, but this had already happened earlier and it would take place in each case, also without this battle. Instead the losses of former guerrillas amounted to 13 dead and still 3 more died next from the wounds, not exactly because the wounds were fatal, but probably from the lack of suitable medical care. The Germans buried next day in Bałtów 44 dead, and besides had considerably more wounded. However, these had much better chances of survival in hospitals.

The ratio was 16:44, nearly one to three between amateurs and professionals. Not too bad a result considering the top front soldiers that Germany had at the time. Maybe some exaggeration, "Fallschirmjaeger" and these from "Grossdeutschland" supposedly were better (or in Polish eyes, worse; relatively, how to whom), but let’s tell that between these disposable nearby on the front. In addition this all happened after a bad beginning in a hopeless and seemingly lost position. From the moment of the spontaneous and ostensibly quite mad decision by the people who were surprised from their sleep, the prepared plan of battle finished to exist and changed in a row of surprising, improvised skirmishes (pall-mall fighting). In this the former guerrillas turned out better, having stronger motivation and the trump of their own ground. As a result they quickly and with restrained toll broke out from the encirclement.

One may tell that a mob of amateurs, without any commander, bested the best trained military troops, commanded by the best contemporary professionals. All this happened thanks to an instinctive reaction in an obviously hopeless case. However, this could happen only because both sides did not know what to expect and both did something altogether unexpected. Germany would surely never allow this to happen a second time; to almost shoot game that tore out in such manner. On the other side also the partisans never would allow such a surprise a second time, previously never having met so an enemy acting so bold. Sincerely speaking nobody believed that Germans conquered their courage, going into the forest at night.

Angus was much interested to clear the circumstance of his almost miraculous escape. At the beginning he presumed that some from his colleagues noticed his critical position, shot and saved his life. Still during the last march he found this mate who stopped by him by the tree and obviously ran not far behind—but this mate saw nothing and knew even less. He judged merely meeting a wounded colleague and wanted to give relief. Then Angus sought out the next one who passed them, however, with the same negative result. On the way home Angus assured that nobody in this group intervened in his case, but still for a longtime he sought information. He asked members of the squad and asked the already asked about asking further, but all without success.

By then they’d left behind the rapid-fire zone and already properly went out from the encirclement. There happened only a sporadic exchange of fire - to stalk, commonly at brief, accidental meetings.

A distant, stray bullet? Such a possibility he could not except, but in aground covered by trees the likelihood was preferably not large. Slowly Angus assumed that this shot took one of remaining overtaken German soldiers on the interior line of encirclement. Merely shot to the back of one "Polnische Bandit," which precisely ran through this perimeter. And so perhaps this bullet which had to kill him missed its aim and precisely retained his life. The most probable guess was, that he should in the same second be killed double, by a shot from the back and simultaneously with a bayonet from front - a classic "overkill."

In the distant future, when he situated in the center between belligerent, doggedly fighting with themselves own children, a thought came to him that he had already once been in a similar position. However, he managed, by lucky coincidence, to escape.

"Nil desperandum"! (Never despair).

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